Top-5 Best Translator Jokes


Top-5-translator-jokes

I’ve had a rough week with innumerable translation jobs. Now I’m in the mood for some language humor. I had always fancied a funny joke! The types of jokes that I’ve really admired recently are translator jokes. Therefore, I have made up my mind to write something about them. So, I came across some jokes that I didn’t know earlier and they are fairly hilarious!


The linguist’s husband caught his wife having sex with a young student.

“Well, Margaret, I’m surprised,” he said.

She bolted upright, pointed her finger, and corrected him, “No. It is me who is surprised. You are astonished.”

READ ALSO: The stupidiest and the funniest translator in the world VIDEO!))


The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.


Translator gets 300 words to translate.

Client: How long will it take to cope with this task?

Translator: Well, I think about a week.

Client: A whole week for just three hundred words? God created the world in six days.

Translator: Ok, then take a look at this world and then take a look at my translation.

Top-5-interpreter-jokes


A former secretary of commerce liked to tell how a high ranking official once responded to a subordinate’s request for a raise by saying, “Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position’s productive capacity as juxtaposed to governmental statistics, it would be momentarily injudicious to advocate an incremental increase.”

The staff person said, “I don’t get it.”

The official said, “That’s right.”


A cat is sitting on the throne, and two dogs, an envoy and his interpreter are standing before him. The interpreter dog is whispering to the envoy dog:

“You’ll have to rephrase that. Their language doesn’t have a word for “fetch.”

Articles on Poker Soft and Poker Rooms in English


Finished a series of articles (12) on poker soft and the most outstanding poker rooms. The total amount of characters – 220,000 without spaces.

Examples of some articles:

Flopzilla: What Are The Main Features And Options of Flopzilla

Equilab: Key Features of the Poker Equity Calculator

Americas Cardroom: Room with high stakes, largest selection of tournaments and cryptocurrency deposits

Black Chip Poker: Great poker room with fish players and 100% first deposit bonus

You can also view my previous poker articles in English and other examples of my work.

Contact me if you need any translation services (English, Russian, and Ukrainian).

Poker articles in English


Oliinyk-Texas-Holdem-Poker-Review

Today I have finished a series of 15 articles on poker. The total amount of characters – 180,000 without spaces.

Topics of some articles:

  • No-limit Texas Hold’em Poker Rules;
  • How to win on freerolls – tips on how to earn on poker without investments;
  • Betfair poker review;
  • PokerStars poker review;
  • Poker Hand Rankings;
  • 888poker review;
  • How to play on freerolls;
  • Pros and Cons of Omaha and Texas Hold’em.

Contact me if you need any translation services (English, Russian, and Ukrainian).

Agricultural and Farming translation


Oliinyk-translation-agriculture-and-farming

Today I have finished the translation of five articles on agriculture and farming from Russian into English.

Key issues:

  • Agricultural machinery;
  • Features of sowing wheat, radish and potatoes;
  • The main principles of field processing before planting crops;
  • Pest and rodent control, etc.

The total amount of translated characters: 65 thousand. Time spent: two days.

The example of translation can be provided upon request with the written permission of the client.

More translations:

Статьи на тему Bitcoin gambling in English;

Контент для сайта Naij.com;

Копирайтинг на английском языке для компании First BIT Technologies;

Перевод коммерческого предложения на английский язык;

Перевод контракта по добыче полезных ископаемых на английский язык;

Перевод договора купли-продажи личного имущества на русский язык;

Описание видео слотов на английском языке;

Перевод юридического договора купли-продажи на английский язык;

Перевод статей по химической промышленности;

Перевод медицинских текстов на английский язык.

You can contact me any time you need a translation from Russian into English and vice versa.

P. S. Screenshot is taken from video Modern Technology Agriculture Huge Machines.

Proofreading, editing, and translation of your company`s content


As a professional English translator and editor, for two years already I have been helping businesses to proofread and check all content on their official websites and other public resources. I`ve already helped hotels, shops, museums, restaurants, hospitals, state companies, startups, IT companies, pizzerias, gas stations, resorts, entertainment centers, sports clubs, etc. to improve their texts in English, Ukrainian, and Russian.

For any company, pure content is a necessity. It is not just the question of reputation but money mainly. Imagine a situation when one of your biggest clients is a Grammar Nazi. If he/she sees a mistake in your “Weekly offer” or “Newsletter,” he/she will never be your client anymore. And you will lose both money and reputation, which is more important. It is quite obvious, is not it?

People who are responsible for content in any company often make mistakes and various misprints. It happens due to multiple reasons. Mainly it is because they do not consider content and text important. There are also cases when people without special experience and background are in charge of the company website. Because it is not their fault but overall management inaccuracy. Stylistic, grammatical, punctuation and other mistakes are less common, but they also take place.

Thus, my job is to proofread the content of official webpage of a given company, find any mistakes, and correct them. It is a one-time job, but in many cases, businesses hire me for weekly/monthly monitoring and proofreading of their content on an ongoing basis. It is convenient and profitable for both parties.

Why do you need to care about your business content?

  1. You need to be always sure that your written online/offline reputation is invulnerable;
  2. Any trustworthy business cannot allow making mistakes in texts, articles, reviews, goods description, newsletters, etc.;
  3. Your website is your business`s face. For example, look at your “About us” page. You must always keep it shining from pure perfection. It is the first thing that your potential client will see first.

Thus, you need to trust your website content to a professional and get the 100% result in a short time.

Contact me any time you need to proofread your content.

 

English translator in Chernobyl for VINCI



I had an unbelievably great four-month experience as an English translator in Chernobyl. On August 2018, a signed a work contract with VINCI Construction Grands Projets and Bouygues Travaux Publics. The company deals with the design, construction, and commissioning of the New Safe Confinement over the Unit 4 reactor at Chernobyl.

They hired me on a position of an English translator. My key responsibilities were the translation of construction and engineering documentation as well as oral translation during all official commissioning inspections of the installed equipment on the Arch.

oliinyk-new-safe-confinment
It was for the first time that I dealt with engineering translation. I would not say it was easy, but it was not difficult either. All is simple. When you immerse yourself into a certain working atmosphere with a specific language environment (vocabulary, style, new rules, terminology, etc.), you will have to learn. I think I did a great job. The four-month contract is over, and now I can return to my favorite translations and journalism.

The company is great. Colleagues are amazing. The working atmosphere is inspiring. Thank all co-workers for having a great time together!

andrii-oliinyk-novarka

P. S. I am going to describe all my Chernobyl adventures later because I have an abundance of emotions, impressions, photos, and videos. Already put a reminder for February.

Статьи на тему Esports gambling with bitcoin


Oliinyk-Esports

Закончена серия статей на тему Esports gambling with bitcoin. Заказ был интересный, поэтому работалось с двойным удовольствием. Копирайтинг на английском языке по теме Esports gambling with Bitcoin принес массу новых знаний, приятное общение с заказчиком и отличный заработок.

Тематика некоторых статей:

  • Esports Betting with Bitcoin
  • What is Esports?
  • Esports and Bitcoins: how do they work together?
  • Best Esports bitcoin betting sites
  • The most popular Esports games
  • Counter–Strike: Global Offensive – main features and tricks
  • How to gamble Esports with bitcoins?
  • Advantages of using bitcoins in Esports gambling?

Количество статей: 18

Общее количество знаков без пробелов: 129,703.

Время на работу: 6 дней.

Более детальная информация по текстам (пример перевода/копирайтинга до 1000 знаков бп) может быть предоставлена по письменному запросу, так как условия договора с заказчиком не предусматривают прямой публикации в этом блоге примеров выполненных работ.

Если вам нужны качественные статьи на английском, украинском или русском языках, переводы с английского на украинский/русский языки и наоборот, сразу же обращайтесь ко мне.

Мы всегда договоримся)

Контент для сайта Naij.com (Январь 2017)


Andrii Oliinyk copywriting for Naij.com

Продолжаю активно сотрудничать с крупнейшим порталом в Нигерии — Naij.com. Темы для написания статей различные: политика, экономика, культура, спорт, медицина, развлечения, технологии и т.д.

Примеры опубликованных материалов за январь 2017 года:

JAMB cut off mark for 2017/2018 — What is it?

Top 30 African proverbs and meaning

What is Genevieve Nnaji’s net worth?

How old is Nigeria?

How to write an application letter for job vacancy?

What is scale of preference in economics?

5 most dangerous armed robbers in Nigeria history

Multimillionaires share secrets of time management

Со списком всех моих статей на данном портале можно ознакомиться здесь.

Если вам нужен переводчик в Чернигове, в также качественные статьи на английском, украинском или русском языках, переводы с английского на украинский/русский языки и наоборот, в любое время обращайтесь ко мне.

Друзья, контакты здесь.

Перевод научной работы «The effectiveness of online shop evaluating»


Oliinyk-translation paper

Закончен перевод научной работы «The effectiveness evaluating of online shop based on informativity of the product portfolio» для участия в The 9th International Days of Statistics and Economics, Prague, September 10-12, 2015. Текст перевода не пуьликуется, так как мои авторские права на него проданы заказчику.